Sustaining Comfort

About a month ago we were at ‘mini debrief’ (a time where the squad gets together to challenge, encourage, and build one another up). During one of our worship sessions, one of my squad mates read out some questions for us to ponder while we listened to some music. Two of the questions he posed were: 

1. In what ways do you want to grow this month? 
2. How do you want to meet God this month? 

I sat on these questions for a couple days, wrote my answers out, shared them with the team I was with, then left them alone. These questions and answers sat in my notes for weeks on end without being thought about. It wasn’t until circumstances happened that I recalled my answers. 

Part of my answer to “ways I wanna grow” was to work on processing emotions in a healthy way; and the only way to grow in that, is for an event to happen that gives you lots of emotions. That’s exactly what happened too. With a lot going on- the next big debrief coming up, squad/team things- I wasn’t sure how to even begin processing. There was so much to get done… I had one of two options.

1. Suppress my emotions and focus on what needed to be done or 
2. Let myself feel emotions and rely on God to get me through.

It would have been so easy to revert to my normal habit of suppressing all emotions and just moving on with life, but I chose the other option. In a conversation with my squad mentor, she told me to just sit in the presence of the Lord and allow Him to comfort while I felt all the emotions. So, that’s exactly what I did, and honestly, that’s exactly what I needed. It helped me to put names to everything I was feeling and to bring them before the Lord. 

There was still a lot going on, and then yet another event surfaced that brought about even more emotions than the first. So again, I sat before the Lord and brought everything I was feeling to Him, and sure enough He was right there with comfort. Unfortunately this time around there wasn’t a quick fix. It was days upon days of going to God and just releasing it all to Him and allowing Him to comfort me in the midst. 

It wasn’t until a few days of this going on that I remembered the second question asked at mini debrief- how do I want to meet God? Well my answer was sustaining comfort. And sure enough that’s exactly how I was learning about God. I was learning what it looks like to be at the end of myself, nowhere to turn, completely lost, emotions upon emotions, and yet still finding the comfort and peace of God. 

I have had to turn to God and give Him everything in replace for His comfort. It has been some really hard weeks and months, but if it means meeting God in this way, then I wouldn’t change it for the world. Sometimes in order to meet God and learn more about Him, it means being put in tough situations and being forced to rely on Him. Yeah it stinks sometimes but the outcome is so worth it, if you choose in. 

“I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.” Psalm 63:8